Less Public, More Private

Less public, more private… what does that even look like?  I have spent almost 15 years living a very public life. I know that a major part of my success has come from my willingness to be so open about everything. It has allowed people to connect and relate and because of that I have grown a very loyal following. I am so very thankful to the people that have supported me over the years. I was 19 when I started in this business and dealing with social media wasn’t really a thing. I mean, I had a blackplanet page lol, but that was about it. That world and this one are so very different. I have spent my entire adult life on the air- heartbreak, marriage, babies, divorce, death – I have experienced some very personal things very publicly. People have called me an over sharer and I am, I know that. They say it as if it’s this awful offense. Why can’t it just be that I navigate my life differently than you would choose to navigate your own? Why does either way have to be right or wrong? A lot of people also think that because I am a public figure it gives others permission to say whatever they want to me or about me, “well that’s what you signed up for.” I don’t know why I need to explain this, but that’s actually not what I signed up for. I didn’t even know what I was getting myself into by choosing this path and regardless, how does what I do or the position that I am in excuse anyone else’s asshole behavior? It doesn’t.

Anyways, I have a confession. I’m not so sure I want to do this much anymore, but I’m also not sure what not doing this looks like.  I know that there have been some extremely beautiful moments and connections made over the last decade and a half, but there have been some extremely horrible and tough moments too. The publicity has not come without its fair share of drama.

For the sake of keeping health insurance for my children, I have had to endure things in this business, things I would have walked the hell away from if it was just me… but I have kids now and protecting them is key. BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. It’s impossible to protect my girls, though, if I am not first protecting myself.  This lifestyle is now massively anxiety inducing, it didn’t used to be, or maybe it has always been but I was just better at maintaining and coping.

A few weeks ago, after a complete mental breakdown (we will discuss that in episode one of the podcast) I deleted all of my social media for over a week. It was an instant relief. I felt a sense of freedom that I hadn’t felt since the day I announced my separation from my ex-husband. I felt at peace. It was also the first time in my career that I had ever disconnected and unplugged like that. Logging back on was terrifying.

I am starting grad school this summer, I am head over heels in love with a good man and I am contemplating having another baby (WHHHHHHAAAAAATTTTTTT!) – I know that I need different things now. I am not exactly sure what those things are, but I feel a shift and I am honoring it. I don’t think that it means I am going to walk away from all things media, but I do know that I need to do things differently. I KNOW that I need to do things on my own terms.

Launching this site, doing my own podcast is the first step. Feeling stifled or censored is not something I am comfortable with anymore. Having my own platform allows me to protect myself and my family better.

I am so thankful for the past 15 years. I don’t think we are breaking up- but I do think we need better boundaries. When I figure out what the hell that looks like lol, I will let you know.

Love and Light,


6 thoughts on “Less Public, More Private

  1. I am on the same journey as you are Danni. Change is already in progress. I completely understand where you are coming from. I’m not a groupie or anything but I know we would be good friends if we had a chance to sit and talk because we are soooo similar. It’s a blessing and a curse to be different. I’m slightly older then you. I have a 29 year old son and a four year old daughter. I had a missed miscarriage in January but I want to try one more time. I’m 40 and was married twice. Now I’m with the love of my life, the man that God made for me. I know that it was destined for our paths to cross. Keep being the beautiful person who you are.

  2. You rock…you inspire those that need it the most….you are amazing and I can relate in ways that help me identify with my own desires to change. Wishing you well on this next journey and can’t wait to see where your light takes you <3

  3. Excited for you! You DESERVE this. Thanks for sharing your blackgirlmagic and unicorn strength for us all. Thank you for encouraging the diversity of us all from the peachgirlmagic, browngirlmagic, to the greengirlmagic. You get my point 😉 THANK YOU, my fellow Empath! I get you!

  4. Congratulations Beautiful. You deserve nothing but happiness. I’ve followed you for a while now and I am so excited for your new journey

  5. Danni you always inspire others to be better. It is onlu right that you keep moving om to the better you. If that means stepping back then your fanmily will have to understand. I know you will continue to help everyone but please take time for you. Yay for maybe another baby. I know that is scary as hell for you but you also make beautiful, powerful little humans. Keep doing you Danni, whatever that looks like in the future. We will still be here!

  6. Danni… you do you. We will love you still. You give us your energy whenever you share with us, your “loyals”, and we love it! Don’t ever make excuses for what you need to do (not that you were)… Most of us can’t begin to understand what a life so public could feel like. Even given a list of the pros and cons, I bet it still wouldn’t come close to providing an understanding. I’m glad to connect here, and have a way to see all the wonderful things you are doing. All the best to you! ~ John

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