My Roommates

My Roommates. I find myself being tested often, but NOBODY and I mean NOBODY tests me like my roommates.  Somehow over the last couple of weeks they have developed an awful fear of sleeping alone in their own rooms so they just think it’s ok to join me in my room AND in my bed. My roommates are assholes too. They will literally eat all the snacks, won’t think about anybody else wanting a snack and then they will leave their snack packaging all over the house. As if that’s not bad enough, they don’t even clean it up!

In fact, they don’t clean anything. Actually, every time I clean, they literally come right behind me to mess it all up again, I swear they do this on purpose, I’m telling you, they’re assholes.  Also, they wear all my stuff. High heels, makeup, ya’ll my roommate used my Fenty Beauty! It was all over the place! It was like she had an issue with Rihanna and got into a fight with my makeup because of it! She then had the audacity to look me in my face and tell me she didn’t touch any of my beauty supplies… mind you she was sporting an insane face beat.

The emotions though, that’s the worst part about this cohabiting situation. Just today, the younger roommate cried, straight ugly cried, because she misses her friends and she doesn’t understand why they just can’t live with her. Can you believe she thinks we need to add more people to this equation?!

THEN… the older roommate had a full on fit about Zac Efron. She’s watching a movie and I hear her exclaim, “That’s not MYYYYYY Troy Bolton.” She’s staring at the TV completely perplexed. She’s having a full-on conversation, “I don’t understand, what happened to him, why does he look like that? Ya’ll when I walk in she’s watching Zac Efron, who she only knows as Troy Bolton from High School Musical, in The Greatest Showman. Mind you he is Killing the performance. Just belting out notes and falling in love with brown skin girls, he’s killing it. She is looking at him like he failed her. In her mind, Zac Efron can only be Troy Bolton and holy hell who told Troy Bolton he could age? My roommate is crying because Zac Efron isn’t a teenager and if she thinks he is old, what the hell does she think about me? I had to have a real conversation about this. I literally found myself defending his aging, “he’s not THAT old guys.”

I’m over my roommates, and I would tell them to move out, but they are six and three…and my kids.

God help me.

2 thoughts on “My Roommates

    1. I have roommates who are 5 and 7. They eat all the snacks and climb into my bed too. This is what roommates do. You are never alone.

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