When America is Gaslighting You.

I hope you read this in its entirety. I hope you read it with an open mind and heart. I hope you try to see another perspective than your own. I hope you feel things, things that inspire you, empower you and maybe even enrage you… because these are the feelings we need to feel in order to push for change. Sometimes I am scared to write about race, because I know what will happen. I am often unfollowed, I am called racist, and I am mentally drained when I have to try to teach people that my experiences are real. Today I am pushing through that fear because I am starting to lose my mind and I just realized why…

I FEEL  like America is gaslighting women and black people…and I am a BLACK WOMAN. Daily I see courageous women share their stories of trauma and assault and instantly I relate and then I read the comments ( NEVER READ THE COMMENTS)

  • why did you wait so long to say something?
  • you shouldn’t have been wearing that
  • slut, hoe, thot, tramp, liar
  • she had it coming
  • all women have a rape fantasy ( this is NOT fucking true by the way)

Daily I watch black and brown people share their experiences with blatant racism, often I share my own and, again, I make the mistake of reading the comments.

  • oh, so you had to pull the race card
  • you guys are always playing the victim
  • what about black on black crime?
  • ALL LIVES MATTER (and of course they do, but all lives can’t matter if black lives don’t)
  • slavery ended a long time ago, get over it

I am a firm believer that people just want to feel heard and seen. How can a rape victim feel heard or seen when she tells you she has been raped and you ask her what she was wearing? How can a black person feel heard or seen when they tell you that they don’t feel safe in America, that they understand why Colin Kaepernick was kneeling and you light a match to your Nike gear?

I am losing my mind, but I am not crazy. I am telling you my truth, so many of us are telling our truths, but you refuse to hear it. Even worse, you invalidate my truth, our truth. You blame us for our sexual assaults, you counter our stories of racism with, “well, black on black crime.” Why is it so hard to believe that someone may have a different life experience than you?

Somehow it’s easier to see me as an angry black woman than to actually hear my truth. I am angry, but I am not an angry black woman. I won’t be your stereotype. My anger is logical. Gaslight me all you want, but I KNOW my anger is logical, I know my pain is real. I know  I am losing my mind because my own country is gaslighting me. People who claim to love me are gaslighting me, or not saying anything, and honestly I can’t tell which is worse.

Women, I see you, I hear you. Black people, I see you, I hear you. Black women… I am SO SORRY.

I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m hurting…I am losing my mind because my country is gaslighting me. HELP!

3 thoughts on “When America is Gaslighting You.

  1. Honest to God question. Why do you not consider yourself bi racial? You have said your mother was half white and half black, yet I’ve seen mention of her being a “black woman”. You would have roughly 25 percent white in you, and you identify as black. Not bi racial or multi racial. When someone has a white mother and black father, but appear darker, why do they call themselves black and not white, or say “mixed ” I’m genuinely curious. If I had a white mother and black father, but appeared mostly Caucasian, would I be socially expected to identify as white? Again please do not take this as hate or pulling the race card. I’m just a white girl who wants to know.

    1. I am multiracial, but I am a black woman. The world doesn’t look at me and think oh her mom is multiracial. They say she has brown skin. For years on census boxes it would say choose one. I am a mixed a girl, but I am also a black woman. I can’t speak for all people of color. I AM mixed, multi-racial etc but I AM also a black woman. Black is cultural. It’s how I identify culturally. It’s hard to explain but black people get it. Only white people ever ask me why I don’t identity as mixed, black people have never because they just know when you’re black, you’re black. It probably goes way back to the one drop rule. One drop meant you were black, “unpure” etc.

    2. also, I am not ever sure I ever referred to my mom as a black woman. She passes as white, I don’t. Black people come in all different shades. She is still black though.

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